The last time i felt this disappointed in my life was.. Let's see. Gee i'm not too sure about it. Must've been ages ago. Somehow, i think this's by far the biggest disappointment i've ever had, as much as i don't like talking about it. I don't like narrating my days' events either but at this point in time, i really can't help it.
I called them up earlier to check on my application status and my schedule for the Compass Test, and the lady at the other end of the line took a real long time to check on the data. I sat there drumming my fingers on the table- the usual one i'd sit at at the Forum - and i couldn't help it but to feel that something wasn't quite right. The moment i heard her voice over the receiver once again, my heart sank. Totally. I had no one around me at that time; Bodoh was in school (SMU), AB was having his lab session, my elder sis who came by with a McChicken burger left, my godsisinlaw was nowhere in sight; Ain, Maziah, Farah the usuals, mommy, huawei, Peeperpee- where were you guys?
After hearing that, i still kept my chin up because who knows- they might've just crapped something up. And so i dialled three other numbers, and by the time i got to the correct one, my morale was so low that i just thought, "that's it mai. That's the end of it all". My godsisinlaw appeared just in time with her friend. Just in time.
I told her that perhaps it's a sign that it's just not meant for me. I just gave my mom a backrub and being mai momma, she definitely sensed my disappointment- perhaps through the way my hands ran against her back. Mommy said that if i really don't get it, i shouldn't be feeling this way. Instead, i should be seeking help and guidance from Him because everything happens for a reason. Who knows, it might not benefit me at all or perhaps i'm better off as someone else.
Now i know how it feels like for Zaki to not be able to get what he wanted and what he longed for. I believe that it's every boy's (well majority of my guy friends that is) dream to don that white uniform and clasp that shiny silvery sword in his hands.
God is fair. I've got what i want thus far, and i'm enjoying what many of my friends out there can't even think or dream of. I was observing the school crowd on the buses, squeezing every inch they could afford to, while there i was, sitting comfortably on the back of a cream-coloured scooter which whizzes in between vehicles on the road every single morning in order to get me to school on time. i don't hafta make sure that i get outta the house by half-past-six or ensure that i catch the 6.50 bus and all that jazz, i don't hafta suffer from panic attacks when there's a massive congestion on my way to school, i don't hafta spend two friggin hours to get home from school and vice-versa...... I can do lots of other things, yes. For now, i shan't let that four-letter word put me down. P to the E to the S to the C.
One day, i will be somebody, though i might not be that somebody in a green uniform.
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cold
excited
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cranky
giggly
disappointed
hungry
owwwwwww