I had a dream last night, that my dad was there at my graduation ceremony. It seemed surreal, yet i had those waves of emotions of uncertainty and skepticism. 

So I had my lesson with this P5 girl for the very first time. Based on last year's results, she scored a whopping 91 for both English and Math; 72 for Science and an 84 for Chinese. When asked why she still needs some tutoring, she simply said with a sweet grin: "So that i'll get better grades."

Talk about competition here in Singapore.

So i was at a friend's cousin's wedding (that's how Malay weddings in Singapore works- anybody and every body gets invited!) and i spotted a familiar face in the crowd. One of the girls working as a kendarat (one of those "waiters"/helpers working for the caterer) is my student from my Mendaki class. She hasn't been turning up for lessons in so long. In fact, she has only turned up for two out of the ten lessons so far.

My heart kinda sank when i saw her. I did not have the courage or guts to walk up to her and say "hi" even. Deep inside, i thought of the kind of life she leads- i mean, she's only 15 and yet she's already spending her weekends working. What was i doing on Saturdays when i was 15? Woke late into the day, sit around at home or glue myself to the PC surfing the internet or just go out and have fun.

I consider myself lucky. Very lucky. I have to admit that i do complain at times that i have to go out and work while juggling school and my own finances. Somehow it gives a sense of maturity and responsibility knowing that i am financially independent and that i do not have to depend on my mother for my monthly allowance. But then again, not having to go to work spells liberation from so many forms of commitment and it gives me something a lot of people out there are longing for- time.

Nevertheless, i am able-bodied, capable, young, strong and full of energy. Why not go out there and some dough for myself and stop depending and relying on others for once?

Maybe i should have just approached her and said "hi".

Happy paddy's day y'all

It's really queer how i could roll outta bed so easily as early as 9am on a cool, wet morning like this. Many would choose to just stay in bed but somehow, i just had to get up since i thought i have slept enough.

So i finally had the chance to attend rang de holi this year. The festival of love and colours made me realize how beautiful friendship really is and that it takes lots of love and understanding to make the world go round. Cheesy much. 

School's been good. In other words, busy. 

"It is good to swim in the waters of tradition, but to sink in them is suicide" -- Mahatma Gandhi

This shall be a day to remember. It's strange but it does give me a very warm, fuzzy feeling inside out to find that we both share the same dream. Meeting you after eight long years is a really huge blessing to me. I have loved you since the day i met you 14 years ago.

"I'd love to share this dream of mine with u. Mummy loves"

 I hope you understand why i'm doing this.

 
I would very much want to go to KL next weekend to witness vettel and webber (more like vettel ONLY) battle it out in the tracks in the second round of the season. Sadly, time doesn't actually permit me to do so considering that my first paper is exactly a month away. And yes, money is a concern too. I guess it's time that i stop looking at all these worldly pleasures and sort my priorities out. 

On a much much much happier note, the semester's coming to an end! I cannot contain my excitement for berkeley because like hellooooo it's friggin berkeley!! It's the only time where i can do so since i don't think i'll be spending a fourth year in noose.

Steph and i have also been planning on a summer trip together and after much considerations (darwin, boracay, nearby islands and whathaveyous), we've settled for the choochoo since it's gonna stop all operations come july 1 and since steph has never taken the night train before. I'm hoping that my mom would wanna go as well since it has always been a family "tradition" to travel via rail up north. If you haven't gotten the chance to do so, this's it! Last i checked (about a month ago when i wanted to go on a quick weekend trip for research purposes for Feener's module), the lady at the counter told me that it's 40bucks for the senandung malam express. Like come on, just 40bucks for a night train ride up north with bunk beds. Last i went was in 2000 when i was 10 with yckps for a school trip. Really wanna get on board again!

Arrrrhhhh it's 33 days till i can finally say-------SUMMER, BITCHES!!

oh p.s: i have a one-way ticket to darwin via jetstar departing on may 25 up for grabs. lemme know if you're interested!

 

with hands held high into the sky so blue, the ocean opens up to swallow you.
*on repeat

boston.com/bigpicture/

So tomorrow (or rather in a few hours time), i would finally be getting mai own study table. 
hellyeah

So, many things took place over the course of my absence here. LKY's wife died (which made many of us ponder why she's seen as the founding mother of our nation), ran my first half-m (which didn't turn out so good due to the tummy & lack of training), went to Bali with a bunch of good ol mates (first trip with a bunch and a first solo flight- long story), mom got a new job, another semester gone, my sisters have finally graduated (woot!!), my brother got a job to keep himself occupied while awaiting his results (rumours has it that it'll be out on jan 10, 1330h), blasterboy completed his first ever full-m (yay!!!) and the best part- the family is ONE.

Lemme just share a thing or two about my trip to Bali. 

It was tough initially to brace myself to seek permission from my mom to go on this little vacation but somehow i pulled through (thanks mom!). And the other hard part about this trip was that i kept having thoughts of my family being left alone in sunny singapura while i have a ball with my friends 1019 miles across the South China Sea.

That aside, i must say that it was an eye-opener for us all because unexpected unpleasant things did take place. But well, let's not come to that because afterall, whatever happens in Bali, stays in Bali.........

I think the thing that caught me by surprise most  was the lifestyle of the people there. Very carefree or perhaps to put it in Timon's and Pumba's words- hakuna matata. The ladies just sit by the beach awaiting customers to do their nails and hair (i was one of em- i got cornrows!), the men can just spend their entire afternoon chilling at the warung (little food stalls) and kids can simply hop onto their own motorcycles to ride around. Surprisingly, i didn't come across that many beggars and homeless people and that the police conduct frequent checks on the roads to lookout for beggars and actually arrest them.

One night, while the two boys decided to go for another round of massage, i thought i should bring Bun around since she arrived just the night before. As we roamed about the quieter side of Kuta Beach, a girl selling friendship bands caught our attention somehow. She was rather persistent on getting us to buy a band each and we kinda thought we should just offer her a smile and say makasih and continue trotting along.

Just a few metres down, we met a family of five sitting on the wet pavement selling the same kind of bands. Noticing the rather unfortunate plight of the family and that little girl we met just moments ago, we decided to embark on a mission- projekt happy; so we got the kids sundaes and mcflurry from a McDonald's we found just a few metres away.

When we came back with the happy packs, we couldn't stop smiling at how their faces totally lit up, and thought we should each buy a band from them. 

Such is life. 

Happy belated Chrismukkah to one and all.

Never expected this but guess what- i'm starting to develop a sudden liking for far east movement. 
Happy holidays folks :)

p.s: if you haven't watched The Holiday, you really should. Best movie i've watched in ages. Because i'm sappy like that.

 can the exams just end already???!!!!!!!!!!!!
t-minus: 18h37m55s

I've been staying away from this side of my life for quite some time already, because i thought it's best i draw a line between my private and public life.

Something just made me come back here for a while and i don't know what it really is.

I think i need a haircut; i'm beginning to listen to hiphop- the likes of usher/ne-yo..... Somewhere, somehow, something's not right.

A long-awaited projekt in the making!
Trial with the bunnies was pretty much fun :) hahah poor bunnies as guinea pigs but hey don't get me wrong- no animals were harmed in the process 8)

rain+weather+lazyTGIFafternoon + dcfc's Transatlanticism = PRICELESS

 
Of late, i've been tryna do a bit of revamp to maiPod. It's weird to not have those kickass punkrawkin kinda songs plugged into your eyes but for now, it seems as if the likes of MGMT and Aqualung have taken over. MGMT and Aqualung. hmmm pretty differing genres.

A month to the start of a new year in school, and it's like less than a month to the long-awaited holy month of Ramadhan. How i love Ramadhan, for its uniqueness, the kinda tranquility it brings to us all and also the fact that it's the one and only month where i could really set aside all my crap and focus on being holy (rrrright). I'm just hoping that the video project with the noose gang would work out and that i would have the time to grab Raph and capture those picture perfect moments where one could witness for only 30 days a year.

On a side note, i think my next pair of shoes would be a pair TOMS. You hafta admit that the guy behind this "One for One" is a genius. Maybe i'll wear em for my wedding ..........
Mycoskie, you da man.

 
i hate falling sickkkkkkkkk :(

 

 i'm at a loss of words. literally. 
Journalism ain't as simple as it seems afterall.

 i need a new pair of pretty pretty shoessss. But maybe i should get my ironmai watch first- a training essential.

Okay so my virgin post on redsports is out but it seems like the picture resolution was tampered with. Nonetheless, there's always more to come.

I find it very puzzling that i've been having dreams of my late granddad. In the first one i had about a couple of weeks ago, i dreamt that he was carrying a child in his arms, just like the ones in a lot of the pictures that we have in our family albums. It's those typical picture perfect "bapak-and-cucu" moments.

In that dream, i just stood at a distance and i remember feeling so happy to see the joy on my granddad's face. It was the moment that i've always longed for - to see my own kid being carried by him, just like how he never failed to carry his newborn grandchild. And in that dream, that child happened to be mine. 

Another one i had got me thinking. It was the same afternoon scene at the hospital - the day i rushed from school after my very last A level paper (lit) just to visit him and make sure he's all right and not left alone in the claustrophobic space that reeks of antiseptic. But the difference is that he looked rather glum and one of my relatives told me that bapak needed my help to resolve some issue which i can't recall for now. The weird thing is that every single time i made the right move as how bapak wanted me to, a layer of clothes was put onto him. Like the first was his cute white oldman singlet, and then some pair of pants and eventually an orange-coloured baju kurung top. And when i finally saw a smile on his face, i felt more than glad to have been able to him out.

And last night was a different story. He had a long white beard and had his songkok on. Like the past couple of dreams i had, he didn't utter a single word but was full of expressions. I can't quite figure what the dream was about because it was more like those chains of events that play in our minds.

I think it's time i go check up on the place where he's resting at. Sbeen a while. And i really hope he's doing all right. 
Just so you know, i always keep you in my prayers and there is never a night where i go to bed without reciting a little prayer for you <3
I missed you, and i love you very much.

I really need a new kit. Or perhaps just a new lens to sorta do a facelift for my poor baby.
Sometimes, it's not that i wanna be stingy or selfish but i find that this while issue is something we cannot really comprehend. Like what ironman shared with me, he wouldn't ever lend his gadgets out to anyone, especially if that one person isn't close to him. I spotted a few dents on my speedlite and my heart sank..... I've always looked after baby Raph really well (with extra caution even!) and when he was out there with some other people for about a week, he came home looking all so dirty and unkempt :(  but it felt real good to be able to bring him out yesterday. I really missed the sound of him clicking and his whole "transformers" noises whenever i point-focus-shoot.

On a separate note, i never knew photojournalism ain't that easy after all. I was typing away till three in the morning to complete my very first article for redsports. But honestly, i felt like Chloe Sullivan! Hm. Perhaps more like Lois Lane for that matter ;)

A|X BEATS CK HANDS DOWN 

   

For some reason, my eldest sis can never lock the bread properly or neatly and it gets on my nerves at times because it looks so untidy and flimsy being left that way on the food rack. 

I've been tryna find a topic to talk about but for now i guess i'm at a loss of words since i hafta get my ears plugged to the econs webcast lecture. Honestly, econs is sucha chore and it still makes me wonder why i made the move to read 1101 this sem.
astroblaster told me to talk about my boyfriend because he claims that there's so many things to talk about him. Indeed there's too many things to bitch about that even a gazillion lifetimes won't suffice for me to complete that one special story :) HAHAH

eekonz

 Back in soci tutorial, the tutor posed this question to the class:
"Do your parents love you?"
 and every one nodded. Just as i was about to do the same, something held me from doing so. And then reality started kicking in.

My parents don't love me anymore.

I don't get it. I don't get why, despite she being the lazier one, despite she being the one bumming around most of the time, it seems as if you can just ignore that side of her, just like how you love ignoring us when things go wrong. Perhaps it's true what they say, that the attention is normally given to the eldest and the youngest, and the one(s) in the middle get neglected. If there's one person to blame for this, I would blame myself because I know i'm not good enough, because i know that i'm dumb, stupid, rude, ignorant, and whatever that comes after. I don't give good grades, i don't perform as well, and can never do so and i'm not as capable as she is. Call me childish and immature, but i'm stating the truth- the truth that the people here are all blinded with.

When he or she make a mistake, it's so easy for you to forgive them, but i don't understand why is it so difficult for you to get by with it when it comes to us. I've always treated you with utmost respect. I've always wanted to treat you like my best friend, one whom i can always confide in but i just find it hard, so so hard. I've never wanted to disappoint you ever, ever in my entire life, but i know i've gone against this too many times. I can't give you good grades, i can't satisfy you, i can't please you, i can't make you happy. There's just so many things that i've planned for you but i don;t know. I think all of them are just going to waste. I've spent my entire savings and time and just to do this for you and despite this whole situation, i won't stop myself from doing it. All for you. 

As many sins i've committed, as bad i am as a muslim, i still thank God for being around, for being the One i could always draw strength from and for being the One who's always there to answer my prayers. I pray for you to be happy and healthy all the time, and for you to be eased from all sorts of problems, evil, harm and danger. I pray to God all the time to forgive you for all the sins you've committed, and for your heart and soul to be opened once again and be guided to the right path. I pray for all of us to be happy, because the lack of that one person sure can give us lotsa problems at times. It's hard for you. And we all know that. I just wished you could open it up to us all and not bottle yourself up and keep everything in hiding. 

Always know that God is with you and with all of us. 

And so blasterboy and i decided to join the NUS astronomical society on a trip to West Indonesia. The highlight of the trip was actually stargazing - something i could die for - but thanks to the weather, we could see nuts. I expected the stars to be as big bright blue as those i saw up on Mt Ophir but oh well all i can say is- i could've just stayed at home. The stars i saw on both nights were just the ones we could see in the Singapore sky -.- and so we just made do with the gazillions of "Free & Easy"s we had on the itinery. I still wonder why my sisters refused to go for the trip.

Looking on the bright side, at least i got to travel to a place i've never been to; tried new things that i can only wish for here in singapura and of course: a getaway from all the shit. hahah. For now i shall save for a better tomorrow (rrriighhtt!) and i pray that my aim of bringing my family on a holiday would come true in months to come :)

Imagine receiving an xmas card from a loved one who's away and find that your actually about a month away from seeing one of your favourite bands <3

i think i understand how my brother feels. I just find it so hard to please her.

If i were to write a gp essay all over again i'd definitely write one on why money's the root of all evil.

his heart now has another;
And january 24 won't be a date to remember.

stay strong mommy.

My eldest sis says she has never failed anything in uni before.






Maybe i'm just stupid, like what they once - correction: twice/thrice/gazillion times? - said.

A wedding need not be held at a hotel, country club, resort, by the beach or whatnot to make it grand, sweet or nice. The austere grandeur of a malay wedding, i believe, is one which can entrap us all and send our emotions twisting in sheer excitement.

Up till today, I haven't heard my ideal wedding song being played at any of the weddings I've been to (though it was close enough at my dear cousin's wedding) 8) and nobody knows........ cept for mai dear brother who's currently on the other side of the map admiring the amazing architecture of the Taj Mahal <3

Like what Firehouse once sang, "I (he's) finally found the love of a lifetime."

Speaking of NOOB, lemme share something with you- something which i've been wanting to talk about actually. 

Whenever i hop onto 74 from school on fridays, i would notice the sudden influx of ACS(I) kids on the upper deck. The bus i take would go past a couple of schools namely SIM and Ngee Ann Polytechnic. I swear to God that there was this once where i almost slapped the kid seated in front of me. He talked with such ego and was boasting to his friends about some online game, where he claimed that he has all sorts of weapons and antidotes and what-have-yous. What made me even more furious was the condescending remark that he passed when the bus stopped in front of NP. "This school's for noobs." And guess what? His friend just went "oh i see..." without even thinking. That annoying kid added on by saying that "polytechnics are for noobs" and that "jc is good". Boy, please get your facts right.

I wouldn't exactly blame him but i would start questioning how he came to such a conclusion. I suppose it could be whatever his parents or teachers have told him. I really feel that Singaporeans should just do away with all these stereotyping, discriminating and marginalizing of all sorts. It's really disheartening to be judged according to the schools we go to. Just take a look at this and tell me how you would feel being marginalized by society.


 

Like what steph mentioned, it just felt as if it's un-special. I clearly understood the situation she was in at that time. I'm being selfish, i know. But at times don't you think certain things can be made more special? Like for you and you only? 

This week's nuts. Friggin crazy, and i'm being friggin cranky and unreasonable. 
Like what farah bawanyyyyy naughty g said, "i don't need someone to tell me 'i love you' 'i miss you' 'i kiss you' and all; i just need someone to be there when i call and to give a smile when i'm down."

IZZATI I'M SO WAITING FOR SATURDAY TO PARTAYE

 
The last time i felt this disappointed in my life was.. Let's see. Gee i'm not too sure about it. Must've been ages ago. Somehow, i think this's by far the biggest disappointment i've ever had, as much as i don't like talking about it. I don't like narrating my days' events either but at this point in time, i really can't help it.

I called them up earlier to check on my application status and my schedule for the Compass Test, and the lady at the other end of the line took a real long time to check on the data. I sat there drumming my fingers on the table- the usual one i'd sit at at the Forum - and i couldn't help it but to feel that something wasn't quite right. The moment i heard her voice over the receiver once again, my heart sank. Totally. I had no one around me at that time; Bodoh was in school (SMU), AB was having his lab session, my elder sis who came by with a McChicken burger left, my godsisinlaw was nowhere in sight; Ain, Maziah, Farah the usuals, mommy, huawei, Peeperpee- where were you guys? 

After hearing that, i still kept my chin up because who knows- they might've just crapped something up. And so i dialled three other numbers, and by the time i got to the correct one, my morale was so low that i just thought, "that's it mai. That's the end of it all". My godsisinlaw appeared just in time with her friend. Just in time.

I told her that perhaps it's a sign that it's just not meant for me. I just gave my mom a backrub and being mai momma, she definitely sensed my disappointment- perhaps through the way my hands ran against her back. Mommy said that if i really don't get it, i shouldn't be feeling this way. Instead, i should be seeking help and guidance from Him because everything happens for a reason. Who knows, it might not benefit me at all or perhaps i'm better off as someone else. 

Now i know how it feels like for Zaki to not be able to get what he wanted and what he longed for. I believe that it's every boy's (well majority of my guy friends that is) dream to don that white uniform and clasp that shiny silvery sword in his hands.

God is fair. I've got what i want thus far, and i'm enjoying what many of my friends out there can't even think or dream of. I was observing the school crowd on the buses, squeezing every inch they could afford to, while there i was, sitting comfortably on the back of a cream-coloured scooter which whizzes in between vehicles on the road every single morning in order to get me to school on time. i don't hafta make sure that i get outta the house by half-past-six or ensure that i catch the 6.50 bus and all that jazz, i don't hafta suffer from panic attacks when there's a massive congestion on my way to school, i don't hafta spend two friggin hours to get home from school and vice-versa...... I can do lots of other things, yes. For now, i shan't let that four-letter word put me down. P to the E to the S to the C. 

One day, i will be somebody, though i might not be that somebody in a green uniform.

 
e-learning week is stupid.
webcast lectures are friggin stupid.

 

I love wednesdays. Wednesdays = maidoesnthaftagotoschooldays = :D:D:D:D:D
FAME with mai sisters tomorrow. BIBIMBAP thereafter, thanks to my eldest sis who's been talking (BRAGGING) about her zawezomes time eating unHALAL bibimbaps in Incheon. And now dear Passssonn's planning to go on a trip to NorthKorea with the usual clique :D NorthK 2013- HERE WE COME!!

Anyhoo i had another fall last saturday. Mommehh almost killed me considering that this's the second accident. Many thanks to blasterboy and my little brother for nursing my wounds. Though it hurts like nuts and i'm now walking with a limp plus showing off my grazed arm to the world, no pain, no gain yo. My love for dirt will never die <3<3<3 HAHAH

My eldest sis left for Seoul on Friday night. I felt happy for her knowing that she's gonna be free real soon, away from all the books lectures tutorials clementi and kent ridge. Sometimes it makes me wonder whether my family is just lucky or is it because we really really work hard? I don't see myself putting in the effort, or working smart for that matter, but well- i think God is fair.

Today's been good. Albeit the absence of my eldest sis and my late granddad. I thought i saw him on his wheelchair earlier on but hahah just imagining things. I'm happy that nenek's home! :) and also the fact that she managed to enjoy the thrills and spills of Syawal. 

On a more disappointing note, i gotta mug this whole week for the friggin midterms. So much for recess week i'm telling you! :/ 
Anyhoo here's wishing one and all a SELAMAT HARI RAYA <3
 

 

 
ON GOVERNMENT SERVICE

written clearly on the envelope.

"Think about it. It's a total switch in your life.
Still, it's quite exciting! Go for it puteri!" hahah my little brother <3

September 16 1330h how now brown cow? 

I love school. I really really do. Well that's all thanks to the company of zawezomes new-found friends like ain, maziah (who skipped lit lecture just to book a table for her gang at arnold's- like seriously? hahah kidding MAZMO!), farah, naqiah whom i've bumped into on several occasions since primary school, nadia farhanah who happens to be aslam's girlfriend! and not forgetting my ts practical group mates! :D 

The weirdest thing is that maziah and i have actually seen one another a gazillion times but we only started talking during matric fair! I went like, "i swear i've seen you around somewhere but i just can't figure out where!!!!" and she went like, " yaaaaahhh! me too! you look damn familiar but i just don't know where i've seen you!!" But the scariest thing is meeting people whom you've seen somewhere online. It gives you this weird feeling and you'll start to go, "hey, i know that girl!" and you start telling your friends about it when at the end of it all, you realize that you don't actually know that person but you've just been stalking her around on facebook or even her blog! 

I hate school. I really really do. Well that's all thanks to the friggin NM survey that's taking my precious weekend away.

But it got me thinking- if i work hard now, i would definitely be able to dig into life's most zawezomes pleasures in say 5years? As much as i wanna travel around the world at this moment, or perhaps go on a little getaway with my loved ones, i know that there's this little something we call "patience". So yep. 

Mai dream. Mai CLUBMED. Ahhhhhhh the song makes me wanna cry! 

Astroblaster gave me a shock when he called me this morning at 7. I mean. Who wouldn't start to panic when you hear a loved one speaking in that manner over the phone, with the sounds of tyres rubbing against the tarmac and the engine of the vehicles zooming past in the background.

I really really thank God that it wasn't what i thought it was.

My nenek named the teddy i got for her Tan Tock Seng (it's pretty obvious why). This is definitely one ramadhan to remember for we've been breaking fast at the hospital for two nights and i'll do my best to make sure that i go for every terawih session this year, though i've already missed the first two.

I think i wanna buy a house in gentle drive when i grow older and i'll park my red mini cabrio s at the porch. Perhaps i'll get a backyard with a mini teletubby land where my el-ninos will engage in some offroad adventure. Convenient eh? And of course i'll join them too. And on weekends or weeknights when every member of the household's home, we'll take a night stroll to the little mosque right in the heart of gentle drive- a place where i really wanna call home one day.

I pray for nenek to get better soon. And with God's will, she'll be home before we know it <3

If there's one particular snack that i really dislike, that'd be the GREEN PEAS CRACKERS. Or whatever you call that. My eldest sis was munching (as usual) on a pack of calbee green peas and when i stood somewhere near (not close so as to avoid the stinking smell) she offered me and i was like duuuuude! Get that thing away! It's amazing how my elder sis could remember that i used to puke whenever a pack of green peas snack is placed near me. I mean. I tried eating when i was younger but it can somehow never go down my throat so since then, i've never been able to establish some form of connection with green peas snack- be it calbee jacknjill meiji or whathaveyous . Green peas're okay. But given a choice, i'd rather do without it. The only form of greens that i'd avoid actually.

Been feeling pretty down for the past couple of days and i think the only remedy to this is retail therapy.
Like what dc once sang, " it's warmer where your waiting; it feels more like july."